My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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