Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
