I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
love makes seman taste better
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
