you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
