Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
