I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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