They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
