I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
