Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
