Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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