I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
