I look better un-naked...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
