it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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