If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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