How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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