I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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