I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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