mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize