But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
