for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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