I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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