I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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