Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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