I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
