Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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