Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
