Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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