Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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