you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
