I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You ruined the universe
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
