It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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