I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
