Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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