all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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