I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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