"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
