i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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