So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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