and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I intend to get homeless drunk
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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