she woke up with a sticky ear
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
