I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
