so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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