theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
