Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
