I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
