we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
