it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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