I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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