I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
