either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
