Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
