The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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