If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
