dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
