And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
