i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were trust falling into bushes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
