You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
