I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
