I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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