In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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