Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
