Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need to calm my uterus...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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