fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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