It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm like, not good at living.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
