So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
