I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it because I queefed?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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