..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
That's intense
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
