i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
